A post on gratitude

Just that, pure gratitude for the small and big blessings I am given every day.

Lately, I have been writing a lot about the empty spot Nataly's leaving left in our hearts and lives, how much we miss her and love her, and how we pray for her safety and happiness every single day. While that empty spot is still there and will probably never be filled, there are many things for which I feel my cup runs over. The love and closeness we have as a family, the health and vigor we each enjoy in our physical bodies and spirits, the joy we find in the present and the hope we have in the future.

I am especially grateful to my Lord and Savior for His Infinite and intimate love reflected in all aspects of my life. He knows my struggles and my triumphs and oh, how grateful I am for that. Through His amazing grace I will soon be able to work close to home and therefore have more family time with the ones I love. New job, new beginnings, yes!! Today and every day I celebrate His amazing attention to the details of my life, His interest in my happiness and peace.

Foster care

I came across this blog and it's been good to read some of the more experienced ones' thoughts, findings, and advice on foster care. This comes at a good time. Foster care is hard, it's costly to the heart and not only, it's exhausting, it requires going beyond and above in places you never thought you would... But that smile that you see on your sweet (foster) child's face, the feeling of safety and love that she feels while in your arms, while in your home, are all worth it. We will forever cherish Nataly's sweet smile that reflected her feeling of happiness and safety while in our care. I will never forget the smile she gave me and Hrishi that night that we put her in our bed (it was a few days before she was going to leave), when after changing and feeding her, with sleepy eyes, half closed, she turned to me to make sure I was there and gave me that smile. That smile that will forever stay imprinted in my heart and mind.

http://jasonjohnsonblog.com/

And I realize that all of my entries have been about this experience lately. It is my way, our way of coping with the change, with not having her in our family anymore, but forever in our hearts.

A little friend

A stray kitty who has found his home in our front yard and under our next door neighbors' cars, has become Ella's protege, best friend, pet, and soothing balm to her heart after Nataly's leaving. She is very affected by this change and tries to find ways to pour out her love towards others, be it us or creatures like this one. 

She 'trained' the kitty to come eat on our patio, out of a bowl, and play with her. And the cute thing is reciprocating her love and attention to Ella's outmost delight. She named him Toby. Toby is gettting a collar today and a few other treats from the pet store. Toby loves to play with our azalea bushes and gobble his tuna, salmon, and soy. :)

The Lord is My Shepherd

Psalm 23

David declares, The Lord is my shepherd.

A Psalm of David.

1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

Psalms 23:1-6

http://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/ps/23?lang=eng

These past couple of weeks have been my Ghetsemani. The aftermath of Nataly's leaving, the hurtful and unjust actions of the CPS, and rudeness of the adoption agency case worker assigned to our family have tried my faith and stole the peace of my heart. We are not to have any contact with her family, we are not to contact CPS to get an update on her, etc. I sometimes feel like I am living a nightmare but it's real. I pray for hope and happier times where our hurt can be healed and this sweet baby watched over and blessed. 

We will probably change the adoption agency we're working with going forward. The unfortunate experience s we had after her leaving our home have put a very bitter taste of how the state/CPS "cares" about these children, how they do their job, and how they treat those who truly love and look for the best interest of these children. 

The memory of the wonderful seven months of parenting and loving Nataly will always stay with us. The rest I hope will wash away with time and hopefully, better experiences in the future. 

Forever memories

This past weekend we went on a mini vacation to Sea World, San Antonio. It was memorable as it was our first and last vacation with Natosky. She lived every minute of it and so did we. It is hard to describe in words how wonderful Nataly is. Her spirit is truly amazing. She is such a sweet child, so loving and lovable. Ella was super excited to share all the fun with her. We did all the shows and on our way back stopped by this really cool place that has natural caverns and other attractions. We saw some amazing caves, and Ella and Hrishi did zip lining and acrobatics pretty much, up 60 feet in the air. We were all amazed at her courage, she's one brave girl for sure!!! 

Nataly turned seven months old on Sunday  and we all (herself included) had cake on this very special occasion! She loved the little taste she got. :)

She is leaving tomorrow, 7/3/14 and a big part of my heart, and our hearts is leaving with her. I hate good-byes but we have to say them. But instead, I will say 'til we meet again, Precious Angel.